A lot of people have looked for an explanation of the orgasm “gap”. The orgasm gap means the vast difference in orgasm between men and women.

It turns out that women have about one orgasm to every three which a man has. This “orgasm gap” has been the subject of debate – and rancour – since feminists identified it in the early days of sexual feminist revolution.

There’s an assumption that this orgasm gap means women are somehow less able to reach orgasm than men.

As far back as Sigmund Freud, people (men mostly) have implied women should somehow automatically achieve orgasm during intercourse. If they didn’t there was something amiss with either their sexuality or their ability to reach orgasm.

But we now know that this is simply untrue. As few as 15-20% of women routinely reach orgasm during intercourse. Yet many women still assume there’s something wrong with them because they have fewer orgasms than men, or because they can’t reach orgasm during intercourse.

Video – Female Orgasm

However, the interesting thing is that there’s nothing normal or natural about the orgasm gap.

Women who have sex with women have many more orgasms than heterosexual women. Women who have a lot of orgasms through masturbation say they have fewer orgasms when they are with a partner.

And, believe it or not, women can reach orgasm during masturbation just as efficiently as men can.

So what on earth is going on here?

Unfortunately, social factors have a major role to play in our expectations about female sexuality. We all seem to believe to some degree that men are highly sexed and sexual. We also seem to believe women are “sexy”. In other words, women are seen as a sex object for a man’s pleasure than a sexual being in themselves.

This feeds into another problem in our society. Sex tends to focus on men’s wants, sensations and satisfaction rather than women’s.

And so a man’s orgasm, but not necessarily a woman’s, is seen as an absolutely vital part of good sex between a man and woman. Her orgasm is much less important.

Against this background, it’s not hard to imagine that a woman might feel sexually disempowered. Somehow a woman may come to believe that her primary sexual function is to be available for a man’s pleasure. Now this is undoubtedly a corruption of the natural evolution of male and female sexuality.  Although women are – or should be – more naturally able to embody the energy of the Lover – an archetype which people think is all about love and sex, but which essentially is about human connection, they still retain the power of their Warrior.  Men are (or should be) more naturally able to embody the energy of the Warrior archetype than women are, which one could see as more about holding a motivation to protect women and the family. (As previously suggested, women may be more naturally inclined towards the energy of the Lover.) But when society starts interfering in these natural impulses, the balance of archetypal energy in each sex gets disturbed. The consequence can be disharmony in society, and a lack of emotional balance in the individual.

When a woman is in this position, even unconsciously, she is likely to “separate” from herself and become a spectator during sex. She’ll be working out how she looks (and if she is good enough) from her partner’s viewpoint. This decreases the likelihood she is going to reach orgasm.

Even the slightest worry about her appearance and attractiveness will probably affect her ability to reach orgasm.

You could say that a woman faces many problems about the full expression of her sexuality – and you’d be right.

Here’s some more research which provides another take on this. When college students hook up in a casual encounter, men have three times as many orgasms as women. This is in line with the statistics on orgasm which we know apply to society as a whole.

When a couple hook up a second time, the ratio goes down to 2.5 to 1.

And when the same couple have hooked up four times or more the ratio goes down to 1.25 to 1.

So the implication is that women in relationships have as many orgasms as men. Interestingly enough, things change again when you include any kind of sexual activity in the comparison. (This means oral sex, intercourse or masturbation.) Now, there is almost no difference between the frequency of orgasm in men and women.

So whether a woman reaches orgasm is highly related to the kind of relationship she is in with a partner. A man’s “investment” in her satisfaction and orgasmic pleasure seems to be important. In other words, men seem to be expected or required to enable, if not be responsible for, women’s orgasms.  Do men really enable women’s orgasms?

When men are interviewed, it turns out, perhaps unsurprisingly, that in a casual hook-up most men don’t care about giving the woman orgasm at all.

Only in a relationship, with a regular girlfriend or partner, do men feel obligated to ensure that the woman has an orgasm.

Interestingly, women who are dating but not in a relationship feel they don’t have any right to ask for an orgasm when they hook up with a man.

That resistance might be born out of nervousness, insecurity, or a cultural lack of entitlement. But in a stark contrast, women do prioritize men’s pleasure. Even in a hook up, women are motivated to ensure that the man has an orgasm.

Sure, a woman in relationship is more empowered and most likely does feel entitled to an orgasm. She may also think it’s her partner’s responsibility to give her pleasure.

So what conclusions can we draw from this research and speculation?

First, it’s high time we all stopped buying into the idea that women are simply “bad at orgasms”. Interestingly enough, both men and women appear to be “buying into” these ideas. Truth is, there are many social, sexual and cultural forces working to deprive women of orgasms.

One final thought, however. A woman has just as much responsibility to ensure she gets sexual pleasure as a man.

Does The Coital Alignment Technique Help Have Women Orgasms?

One of the claims made for the coital alignment technique is remarkable. Apparently, it leads to orgasm during sex for almost all women to try it. The question is, of course, can this possibly be true?

One place we can go to get a dispassionate view of whether or not this modified missionary position works are internet forums.

They can help us decide if the Coital Alignment Technique is indeed a useful technique for women to experience orgasm during intercourse.

On the sexinfo101.com forum, for example, a poster opens by saying “How many of you have tried the coital alignment technique? Do you enjoy it?”

He or she (it’s not certain which gender the poster is) goes on to say “I’ve found it to be an amazing sexual position and it’s given both me and my partner great deal of pleasure.”

And the responses come pouring in: first of all, perhaps unsurprisingly, is a question about how to do it. This includes the very fair point that if people could see what’s going on during the CAT, it might make more sense.

Information like this is rather scarce, but responses from punters are not. So, for example, one woman says that the coital alignment technique is the only way she’s actually ever reached orgasm during intercourse.

Interestingly enough, she describes feeling an emotional closeness not experienced in any other sexual position.

She’s been very fortunate, I think, because she also says her male lovers have also enjoyed the coital alignment technique very much. They must have had a remarkable ability to control their ejaculations! She says they always wait for their orgasm until she has had hers, then they “do what it takes” to bring themselves to orgasm.

Interestingly enough, she also confirms that simultaneous orgasm is common when she’s been using coital alignment.

Most important, she says she’s never had a vaginal orgasm through thrusting into her vagina in the normal way. She claims that coital alignment stimulates her clitoris, and is the only position which has given her orgasms during intercourse.

Another poster offers advice on how to notch up the enjoyment. He suggests having the woman close her legs and have the man place his outside her thighs. This facilitates the rubbing of the lower end of the erect penile shaft, where it joins the body, over the clitoral area.

In the goodinbed.com forums the coital alignment technique comes up again, recommended by Madeleine Castellanos, MD. She says, very pertinently, that if you know exactly what kind of stimulation is going to help you to get to orgasm, of course you can incorporate into intercourse.

That includes simple things like self stimulation while the male partner’s enjoying penetration. Another option is having the male partner stimulate the woman’s clitoris with hand or fingers.

Now that’s all very well, but as Madeleine observes, if you’re making love in the woman on top position, the woman can alter her body angle and rub her clitoris against her partner’s pubic bone. So why use the coital alignment technique?

Woman on top allows women to control the pace and depth of intercourse. It gives them the opportunity to reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, too. It’s been around for as long as men and women have made love in this position!

But she also refers to the coital alignment technique as a variation of the missionary position.  As we know, the man slides his body forward (that is to say higher up the woman’s body) so that the shaft of his erect penis rubs against the area of her clitoris. At that point the man adopts the rhythmic movement needed to stimulate his partner’s clitoris and eventually bring her to orgasm.

The interesting thing about this forum is that women are reassuring each other that not reaching orgasm during intercourse is perfectly normal.

A very small minority of women can reach orgasm during intercourse, although the coital alignment technique increases the probability of orgasm during lovemaking dramatically.