Sexual Guilt & Orgasms
Even today, when it seems like sexual information can be found in every newspaper and in every corner of the Internet, people still experience embarrassment and shame about their sexuality.
For example, I have women emailing me who are shocked to discover that their husbands masturbate on a regular basis.
It begs the question of how a couple can be in a relationship, and communicate so little about sex that a woman doesn’t know it’s perfectly normal for a man in a sexual relationship to masturbate.
The other side of the equation is equally puzzling? Why would a man keep his masturbation a secret?
It’s possible, of course, that a man might be masturbating to porn, and he’s ashamed about it, but it’s also likely that both men and women still carry embarrassment and guilt around sexual activity.
One of the ways this seems to manifest in society is the fact that women still experience many fewer orgasms than men.
Does that statement just represent the fact that men’s sex drive is higher than women’s?
Or does it represent the fact that sex is oriented towards male sexual satisfaction?
Or does it represent the fact that men masturbate more than women outside a sexual relationship?
These are all important questions. But I’d ask a different question: how can we ensure that women enjoy more orgasms?
And the answer is for couples to learn how to use the coital alignment technique.
As you will know if you’ve read the other articles on this website, the coital alignment technique requires a fundamentally different kind of movement from both the man and the woman.
Instead of having the man thrusting in and out of his partner like a piston in a cylinder, the man and woman rock their pelvises together so that the woman’s clitoris receives constant low-level stimulation.
This stimulation builds up sexual energy, and will eventually lead to an orgasm.
One of the questions men often ask about this is whether it’s as good for them (i.e. men) as normal intercourse.
Because it’s certainly true that hard and fast thrusting and a powerful ejaculation can be extremely rewarding for a man.
Well, yes. But unless you’ve tried the coital alignment technique, you won’t know about the satisfaction both you and your partner can get from gradually increasing levels of sexual tension which culminate in a massive orgasm. Often a simultaneous orgasm.
That’s the pleasure you get with the coital alignment technique.
There’s something quite magical about how sexual tension builds up with the coital alignment technique. Some kind of energetic circuit forms between the man and woman, so that the CAT usually results in a simultaneous orgasm that’s truly wonderful.
(How little this is known. Even this article by an expert about simultaneous orgasm doesn’t mention the CAT!)
But is the reward of that experience sufficiently great to overcome the pure physical pleasure of hard and fast thrusting for the average man?
You’ll have to try the CAT for yourself to find out, but in the majority of cases, men seem to really enjoy the type of orgasms they get from this different way of lovemaking.
Perhaps one of the reasons for that is that they can see how much pleasure their female partner gets from reaching orgasm during lovemaking, while the man’s penis is inside her vagina.
There’s certainly a special quality about these orgasms.
Now it’s also true that if more couples adopted the coital alignment technique, then the orgasm gap between men and women would reduce.
That’s because both partners would enjoy the extraordinary experience of coming together during lovemaking. And, after all, why not?
It’s been demonstrated many times that more orgasms for women means an improved quality of relationship for all couples.
That’s because shared orgasms produce a much more intimate and connected sense of relationship between a couple.
I suppose one final question for this post is why the coital alignment technique hasn’t become more popular if it’s capable of producing such rewarding sexual experiences.
Regrettably, I think the answer is that intercourse, in both men and women’s minds alike, is seen as something that is fundamentally about male pleasure.
There’s a cultural pressure for intercourse to please men – it’s almost as though men’s sexual desire is insatiable and has to be accommodated by women (at the expense of their own pleasure!)
It’d be a much more interesting and potentially rewarding relationship for all of us if we accepted that sexual pleasure was just as important for women as men!
Video – A diversion – 10 things you didn’t know about orgasm!
There are plenty of reasons why women should have as many orgasms as men – if not more!
According to Planned Parenthood, as many as one woman in three can have difficulty reaching orgasm.
And that’s before you even look at how many have trouble coming from vaginal intercourse alone.
So how many men still believe that if they just f*ck a woman hard enough, she’s going to come?
Really quite a lot – but it’s completely untrue.
More than 80% of women can’t reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.
There could be all kinds of reasons why this is so, including the fact that foreplay hasn’t gone on long enough to arouse a woman sufficiently for her to reach orgasm.
But whatever the exact cause of this, it’s clear we are not making love in the right way.
The right way is one where women and men are equally entitled to enjoy the pleasure of orgasm during intercourse!
One response to this is for women to be diagnosed with female sexual dysfunction – which is ridiculous.
Almost all women can reach orgasm if foreplay or loveplay (if you prefer) continues for 20 or 30 minutes.
And when it was discovered that the more sexual activities women enjoyed during one session of lovemaking, the more likely they were to come, it was hailed as a great discovery.
But the reality is very simple! The more sexual experiences you have in a session of lovemaking, the longer lovemaking goes on.
And we know very clearly that for women, time (long time) is of the essence when it comes to reaching orgasm!
So the coital alignment technique, which progresses much more slowly towards orgasm, gives women the time they need for the sexual energy of orgasm to build up.
Incidentally, the coital alignment technique can also be extremely helpful for men who have a tendency to premature ejaculation. That’s because the thing that makes most men come quickly during sex is hard and fast thrusting, which is avoided in the CAT.