Many women go off sex as time goes by. Others seem to be much keener to keep on having it. Why the difference?
Well, we know that women who like sex – and who want lots of it – get three main things from sex with their men: a sense of intimacy, emotional closeness and bonding, and, no surprise, physical sexual pleasure.
That means if you care about pleasing your woman in bed you need to know some amazing sex techniques which will make you her sexual hero!
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You might be wondering how we know what women want from sex. The answer comes from a study at the University of Pittsburg in which the researchers interviewed 354 sexually active women aged between 40 and 65 years. These women were enjoying sex on a regular basis. The questions centered on arousal, orgasm, sexual satisfaction, pleasure and pain, and also how important lovemaking was to these women.
They carried on interviewing these women for eight years. At the end of the eight-year period, over 85% of the women who regarded sex as “important” in their lives were still enjoying regular sexual intercourse.
So why did these women see sex as important and continue to enjoy it on a regular basis?
The answer, interestingly, wasn’t about trying new or different sexual techniques (like the coital alignment technique), or even the amount of sexual pleasure received. It was simply that sexual intercourse involved intimacy and bonding, as well as sexual pleasure.
So establishing intimacy and building a sense of emotional closeness seem to be a big part of knowing the right way to please a woman in bed.
And as we said, the other part is all about receiving sexual pleasure. This might mean the more you prioritize sex in your life, the more likely you are to have good sex, and the more likely you are to go on enjoying orgasms into later life!
How to Have An Orgasm
But let’s ask another question – why does this matter? Is it just a matter of sexual pleasure, feeling good, and enjoying the satisfaction that orgasms can bring us? Or is there something more fundamental going on here?
The Power of Orgasm
Orgasms release oxytocin in the bloodstream, which is a feel-good hormone, and a bonding hormone. Having an orgasm actually makes you feel good – both emotionally and physically. What’s more, endorphins released during orgasm can soothe pain.
So those sound like two very important reasons to have regular orgasms, but the science of sex gets more fascinating still.
Apparently having sex once or twice a week actually boosts your immune system.
Apart from anything else, enjoying an orgasm with a regular partner serves to bring you close together in many different ways.
In particular, women who have orgasms with a regular partner on a regular basis, speak more positively and warmly about their partners than those who do not.
The implication here is that the enjoyment and happiness that is derived from regular orgasms spills out into the relationship beyond the bedroom.
And indeed, people who have sex four times a week apparently look about 10 years younger than they actually are. (Although another possibility is that people who are naturally youthful simply look 10 years younger and enjoy sex more because they have more energy. But regular sex is worth a try in holding back the years, surely!)
And of course when you go beyond the physical aspects of sex, it is an emotional process. We’ve looked at the coital alignment technique, and seen how that can help the physical aspects of sexual pleasure. But what about the emotional aspects?
Sex starts with romance, and it ends with romance, in the form of cuddling. After orgasm partners feel the need to connect, not just emotionally, but physically as well.
That’s a biological thing, the product of hormones which flow into the bloodstream at orgasm. But there’s more – because reaching climax not only makes you feel intimate physically, it also boosts your confidence. So if you know the best ways to please a woman in bed – in other words, if you know how to take her to orgasm – you feel better in every way!
That’s true for both men and women: shared orgasms make two people feel more loving, more connected to each other, and more deeply satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship.
Interestingly, people who make love frequently will demonstrate more emotional feelings towards each other in a physical way. They actually feel a need to touch, to kiss, and to hug each other, and they do this freely in public, because they are less inhibited.
And there’s even more! When you have an orgasm, the oxytocin which floods your brain makes you feel love and trust for your partner more strongly.
For most women who enjoy sex. having regular sex will provide pleasure both in bed and out of bed. That’s because sex promotes greater intimacy as well as providing the deep satisfaction, pleasure and fulfillment of orgasms. And for a woman, there’s also the emotional satisfaction and pleasure of bonding with her man outside the bedroom.
And finally, here’s compelling proof of the power of sex: the more you make love, the more you want to make love.
Making love increases your libido. This makes you feel more connected and bonded with your partner. It also makes sex feel better each time you have it. We recommend this information on sex because it explains how to make your woman by improving your sexual technique.
Getting To Know You
To say that lovemaking is a way of getting to know your partner might sound like a cliche, but it’s absolutely true! When you are intimate with somebody, you let them see a side of you that is not normally visible to anybody else.
Not only that, but making love with your partner helps you learn what you can do to please a woman in bed, and in particular in the process of getting to know them better than anybody else does, you have the satisfaction of knowing how to satisfy her.
And let’s not forget a simple fact: you don’t need a reason to make love! You can enjoy doing it simply because it’s fun and because it makes you happy and because it’s rewarding to give pleasure to your woman. Remember the coital alignment technique is a great way to ensure orgasm during intercourse!
Do You Know The Secret Of Pleasing Your Partner?
An interesting piece of research conducted by SA Miller and ES Byers and reported in the Journal of Sexual Relationships, 2004, demonstrated that the expectations of lovemaking between men and women can be quite different.
They asked 152 heterosexual couples about their perception of the ideal duration for foreplay and intercourse, and compared that with the actual duration of intercourse and foreplay.
They also asked these couples to say what they believed about their partners’ preferred and ideal length of foreplay and intercourse.
You may not be surprised to learn that men wanted significantly longer intercourse than women.
Also, it was clear that women significantly underestimate the amount of time men want for both foreplay and intercourse.
Regrettably, both men and women had some very inaccurate perceptions about men’s ideal sexual behavior.
For example, men were generally perceived as wanting significantly less foreplay and intercourse than they actually wanted.
So maybe people really think their partners share their sexual beliefs and expectations, so they don’t give much thought to what their partners actually want.
This is unfortunate. It implies people are not communicating about their sexual desires or about what would really give them the most pleasure in bed. Women in particular may be reticent about saying what would please them in bed.
If you don’t communicate your wishes and desires to each other you can’t really know how to please a woman in bed. You’re just guessing!
There are several ways to remedy this. One is to discuss what will please you in bed. Ask your partner about their sexual desires, preferences, and expectations. And, above all, get the right information about sexual pleasure. This is useful for men looking for clues to better technique, for example.
Making Time For Her Will Please Her In Every Way
You’ve got to accept that compromises have to be made in a relationship.
Let me emphasize this isn’t about giving your principles away or changing everything you do just for the benefit of your woman. Far from it. It’s about seeking a path of compromise that is acceptable to both you and her.
For example, when she seems needy, maybe she’s frightened of losing you. Perhaps she sees your lack of attention to her as a sign that you’re losing interest in her….. and that means you might be moving on. For a woman, that fear is roughly equal to your fear of losing your job: it can make her feel like life is over.
When you don’t make your woman your top priority, you’re saying other things are more important than she is. And she hates that!
What solves this problem is a constant supply of reminders from you that you’re not taking her for granted, and that you do care about her. She needs to know that you’re happy to spend time finding ways to please a woman in bed. For one thing, you might take the time and trouble to learn the coital alignment technique – this is described on this website, of course.
You see, nothing pleases a woman more than:
- knowing that you’re proud to have her as your partner in your relationship.
- seeing that you make time for her on a regular, consistent basis.
- the fact that you find all sorts of ways to connect with her.
And really, when you think about it, if you’re not prepared to spend quality time with her, why are you in a relationship with her at all?
Here’s an action plan: thank her every day for something she’s done for you, but do it sincerely, from your heart.
Take the time every day to spend at least a few minutes together sharing some activity, whether it’s a walk, cleaning the kitchen, cooking the dinner, or playing a game. And cuddle and hug her a lot. That will certainly please your woman. This is the kind of thing which keeps a relationship going long term.
Keep The Fires Of Passion Burning!
(Mostly For Men!)
Men and women in relationship often become complacent towards each other. For example, all too often, women stop taking as much trouble about their appearance and stop wanting sex. Men may stop acting romantically.
Neither of these things needs to happen. It’s a matter of pride and self-esteem. When you feel good about yourself, and you feel good about your relationship, then there’s a natural incentive to want to look good for your partner. You feel drawn to act in ways you know will please each other.
All you have to do is treat your partner in the way you treated her when you first met him or her. Remember how much time you spent seducing her, wooing her, charming her, and buying her flowers?
Is there really any reason that you can’t do that now?
One of the best ways to show a woman that you love and appreciate her is to organize special dates with her. You don’t have the time? Your job’s too important? I know only too well how important a man’s job can seem to him, because I’ve been in that situation myself.
How is it, you wonder, that she doesn’t understand how utterly important it is to you as a man to keep the money coming in, how committed you are to providing for her and you in this way?
Well, the answer is simple: it’s the same for her, except her priority is keeping the relationship together. For her, that’s the most important thing.
Obviously from your point of view there’s an incompatibility between working all the hours of the day and having a good relationship. You can’t do it. Surely as a man (a man with the ability to fix things!), you can find a compromise way of working fewer hours and spending more time with your partner so that you get the best of both worlds?
After a while you may find that the rewards in your relationship are so great that you don’t miss the work at all, even if you previously justified it on the grounds that you’re providing essential resources for you both.
I’m not trying to diminish the importance of work for men, because I know it’s written very deep in our genes. The problem is that if it takes over, then you lose something else that’s good for your soul – your relationship.
However, women are able to compromise! Maybe if you come up with a plan and discuss it with our woman, you’ll be able to establish some ground rules and boundaries that allow you both to get more or less what you want. Above all, don’t take her for granted, and show her respect and thoughtfulness. That’s the way to really please a woman!